Slow Burn
by KxiThePie
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: MATURE LANGUE, SELF HARM, AND DRUG MENTIONING The battle of Hogwarts shattered Draco, his trust, his happiness, his ability to love. 1 year later him and Harry live in a small flat in London, both lead normal lives, both are single, but only Draco has depression, he cuts, and Harry doesn't know. Updates every two days. Find me on AO3, Wattpad, Quotev same user.
1. 1: Dark, Dripping

He hated how he felt the need to do this, he knew it made him feel worse, but he thought he deserved it. Slowly, Draco brought the small, silver blade to his left arm, right where the hideous Dark Mark tattoo was. He watched a small dark red trickle of blood escape from his forearm. A couple of small tear drops leaked from his eyes as he watched the blood run down his arm, he was about to do it again when a heavy knock came on his door and he heard Harry's voice asking if he was in there.

"Yea, I'm in here just a minute." Draco's voice came stumbling out, he quickly wiped away his tears, grabbed a tissue, wiped up the blood with it, and pulled down his sleeve. He took a deep breath before opening the door to Harry. They had moved in together after the Battle of Hogwarts and Harry was always trying to take care of him, it was sweet, but he didn't think he was worth it.

"Dinners ready," he said with a small smile, "you okay? You're eyes look kind of red?" he asked noticing the sadness of his face and putting a hand on his shoulder. Harry was aware if Draco's depression, but he didn't know he had been doing anything, and Draco wanted to keep it that way.

"Yea, yea, I'm fine, just allergies, must've been a cat outside the window or something." He answered, he hoped he hadn't used that excuse before, he had made tons of excuses for his reddened eyes, allergies, weed, dust in his eye, itchy eyes, to name a few, but he didn't remember what ones he used, which sometimes put a hiccup in his plans.

"Alright." Harry said frowning, "come on, I ordered Chinese, made sure to get your favourite." he added leading the blonde boy to the kitchen.

They lived in a small second floor flat in London, they both worked in the ministry, Harry as an Auror and Draco in the Department of Mysteries. They both led a pretty normal wizarding life, as normal as it could be when Harry was basically a celebrity.

The pair ate in silence, both using chopsticks, Draco, masterly, Harry, struggling. He rolled his eyes at Harry's awful chopstick skills, "How many times have you used these exactly?" he asked with a small laugh.

"Only like five times, with you, and you never taught me." Harry answered, sticking out his tongue. "Teach me now?" he offered holding out the sticks towards Draco. He took the sticks from his and showed him best he could how to use them, not like his efforts prevailed, Harry was just terrible at using chopsticks, they laughed the time away, chatting, finding weird ways to use chopsticks, and eating.

In that moment he felt happier than usual, he always did with Harry, but he knew, that night when he went to bed, it would be a bad one, his mood would drop, and he would end up staying up all night, staring at the ceiling.


	2. 2: Long, Boring

Draco woke up to his small owl chirping cheerfully the way it did every morning when he had work. He sighed and turned over, he he could feel his pillow was damp, probably from tears, or he had another nightmare and it is sweat. His owl, Umbra, kept chirping, he admired her happiness and effort, but he really didn't want to get up.

"Alright, alright, Umbra, I'm up." He said as he pulled himself out of bed and slipped on his slippers. He walked over to her cage and opened it and the window so she could go hunting, the brown owl spread her wings happily and raced out the window. Lazily, he got dressed for work and headed out to the kitchen, Harry worked early today, so he was all alone. He had no motivation to eat, so he didn't. He gathered up his papers, shoved them into his briefcase and walked over to the fireplace, luckily, Harry hadn't put the fire out when he left, it was Draco's prefered method of travel, he didn't trust strangers and most other ways to get around relied on that, so Floo Powder it was.

He grabbed a small handful and clearly spoke, 'ministry of magic.' He shut his eyes quickly so he wouldn't get ash and soot in them. Once grounded again he opened his eyes to see the bustling lobby of the ministry. Draco could feel himself shrink when he stepped into the crowd heading towards the elevators, he used to fine in crowds, now not so much. He didn't want to get bumped or touched or have anything stolen from him. He was lucky to get on an elevator with few people on it. Same old routine as always, nervously ask the others in the elevator which floor they need, then floor nine, his own floor. He didn't like this part of the day, where he had to be around strangers, he was scared that they would attack him maybe, or somehow see threw his sleeves and see the Dark Mark on his arm.

He was the only one left on the elevator as it got to floor nine, Department of Mysteries, for some reason, Draco really liked everything in this department, which he supposed was a good thing since that was his job, but he never got fun out of it, he was always bored of it, he came to learn that having no interest in things was due to his depression, but, he sometimes wished that maybe he could make a friend a work, or at least find interest in what he had to do. Harry worked mostly off site so he didn't really get to see him at work so he couldn't even talk to the only person he considered safe.

The day continued on the same as always, check to make sure everything is there, register new prophecies, filing documents, and so on, he did it every single day, and gods this part bored him to death, now this was not say that the other parts didn't bore him but these parts were possibly the worst.

Finally the day was over and he could go home, he still couldn't see Harry though, on the days he worked early, he also worked late, so he would be home alone, free to do whatever he pleased, which he didn't like. He didn't like being alone and having no one to stop him doing things, but he managed, he went for a run or something like that to distract himself from the thoughts running through his mind.

Draco tiredly walk over to one of the fireplaces in the lobby of the ministry, spoke his address, and was finally home, where the only person he had to deal with was himself.


	3. 3: Insomnia, Shaking

Draco sat awake, blinking at the ceiling, he rolled over to look at the muggle clock beside his bed, one AM. He was lucky he didn't have work the next day, because his insomnia was particularly bad that night. He focused on the swirling pattern of his ceiling, trying to put himself to sleep, no success.

He slowly crept out of bed into the kitchen, he went to the cupboards and got out a cup, then he filled it with milk and muttered a small spell to heat it up. He leaned against the counter and slowly drank the warm milk, he hoped that it would make him tired and possibly distract him, but all it did was bring back harsh memories from his childhood. He slumped down onto the floor and pulled his legs up to his chest, holding the them tightly with his arms. At first only a few small tears fell from his eyes, but then gradually built up to heavy sobs and violent shaking. He didn't want to wake up Harry, but it was too late, he could here his flatmates door open and soft footsteps walking towards the kitchen.

"Draco?" Harry asked quietly, "Are you okay?" He slowly sat down beside him, eyeing him with concern.

Draco didn't say anything he just dug his head into his knees, he was embarrassed to be found like this, he didn't like people seeing him cry. He looked up when he felt Harry's arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him closer. He could tell how shocked his was face was when Harry let out a small chuckle at his expression.

Harry stood up and held out his hand, "here, come on let's go back to bed, you can sleep in my bed, it might help."

Draco looked at the hand in shock, Harry wanted him to come into his bed? Slowly, he took his hand and stood next to him. He spoke softly and was scarcely heard by Harry, "okay."

The two walked to Harry's room at the end of the hallway, still holding hands and Draco sniffling the whole way. Once they got to the room Harry pulled back to the covers and mentioned for Draco to get in. He got in slowly and wrapped himself in the warm blankets, his bed felt different, almost better, simply because it wasn't his.

Harry turned to him and quietly said "If you need anything wake me up, okay?" he finished with a small smile before rolling over and closing his eyes. Draco could tell he was tired, he breathing evened out very quickly and he could tell he had fallen asleep.

Slowly, but eventually Draco fell asleep, with his legs curled in and his body leaned towards Harry.


	4. 4: Tense, Forgiving

Draco woke up the next morning, he yawned and blinked his eyes slowly. He was about to sit up when he felt a set of arms wrapped around him. He and Harry were, what was the word, cuddling. He hadn't done this before, he started to squirm a bit. He didn't like being touched, and this was breaking his boundaries. He would be okay with it in other situations, but right now, he wasn't. Harry woke up, his moving about woke him.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, I just, uh, I was scared that's all." He said quickly before closing his eyes and pretending to be asleep again.

"S' okay." Harry smiled and took his arms off Draco. He sat up and faced him, "Would you like some breakfast? I'm gonna make some, okay?" Harry asked and then added, "But if you don't want to get out of bed, that's okay."

Draco nodded slowly, he was glad that he had been let go of, but at the same time, he was kind of disappointed. He didn't like it until it was gone. But that's happened a lot with things, he says he doesn't like it then once it's gone, he wants it back. And that's exactly the way he felt when Harry went to go make breakfast.

He got out of Harry's bed and went to his room. He took a short, warm shower and then lazily got dressed. He slowly shuffled out of his bedroom and went towards the kitchen. Harry was standing over the stove humming a song happily. He was making pancakes, Draco never had much taste for them before, but after he moved in with Harry, he got used to them.

Once they were done, Draco and Harry sat and ate in silence. He was still tense about this morning, but he forgave Harry, it's not like he had control over what they did in their sleep, he just felt a little awkward. He always was when it came to affection. His father or mother never showed any, he never had a partner other than Pansy, who wasn't really like that. But he didn't think of Harry like that. He didn't like him or anything, Draco knew he was gay, but he never acted on it, his father would kill him.

He pushed all his thoughts aside and ate his pancakes admiring the way Harry was still humming.


	5. 5: Smoke, Wet

Three AM. That's what time it was, Draco couldn't sleep, again. It wasn't shocking though, it was like this most nights, but he was determined not to wake up Harry tonight. He got out of bed a shuffled into a pair of dark jeans and a hoodie. Slowly, he crept out of his bedroom to the doorway, where he grabbed his jacket, went out the door, locked it and walked away. He was going for a walk, he had before, it calmed him down, helped him sleep. He stepped out of the building, breathing in deeply as cold air filled his lungs. After few steps he went digging in his coat pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, he pulled one out and skillfully lit it with a wave of his hand a small spell. Draco took a long drag before sighing and continuing walking.

I started raining. He was halfway done his walk and it started pouring. His hair and clothes were soaked, his cigarette was put out, he could here his shoes squelching as they were filled with water. Draco didn't care though, he continued walking at the exact same slow pace, his clothes getting more and more wet with every step.

Once he got to his door, he was completely and utterly soaked, he slowly unlocked the door. After he stepped inside he quietly stripped down to his boxers and carried his soaking wet clothes to his bedroom. Draco dropped them in the small hamper next to his door and climbed back in bed, shivering. It was now five AM and actually felt tired.

Slowly, but effortlessly he fell asleep with his whirlwind of thoughts blowing off so they can rest and attack him again in the morning.


	6. 6: Silver, Magic

Two weeks later, Harry strolled into his room announcing he wanted to teach Draco a spell because he needed to be better at instructing for his job. Draco sighed and reluctantly agreed, he wasn't fond of being taught new things, he felt that Hogwarts had already taught him everything he needed to know. He followed Harry out into the main room where he was going to teach him it.

He was told the spell was called a patronus, which of course Draco had heard of, but Hogwarts didn't teach them it. Harry explained the premise of the spell, it wards of dementors, which greatly came in handy in Harry's job, he explained how it needed happy memories to work. At that Draco panicked, he didn't think he had _any_ happy memories to use, none from his childhood, none from his student years, and none from now.

"Uh, um, Harry? I don't think I can do this spell." Draco said quietly and nervously. He was scared to admit this but he also felt the need to tell him this as the spell wouldn't work without it.

"What? Why?" Harry asked with an extremely confused tone, in his mind he felt it to be a fairly simple spell, all you needed was a happy memory.

Draco lowered his head, afraid to admit it, he didn't want Harry to feel neglected because they did loads together that could be happy memories, but all he could think about during those times was, is this real? Or is he pretending to like me? Which ruined oh so many of his memories.

"I, well, I don't think I have any memories I could use." He said quietly and sat down on the sofa behind them. He saw Harry frown a bit as he sat down beside him.

"Well," Harry said simply, "Why don't I give you a happy memory?" he slowly leaned over towards Draco and pressed a small kiss against his cheek.

Draco could feel his cheeks go red as warmth spread from the place where Harry's soft lips had landed on his cheek. His head felt fuzzy and he couldn't think straight, had Harry just kissed him? He had, hadn't he? He spoke, a bumbling mess, "I-I well I s-suppose I have one now." He had a small smile on his face, which was strange since he hadn't smiled in years. It felt nice, different.

"Good." Harry smiled, standing up from the sofa and holding out a hand for Draco. He grabbed it and got up with his help as Harry explained the spell over again and they practiced well into the day.

From their on, Draco got better. His condition lessened, but come a few months, it would worsen again.


	7. Part One End

Hello all! That is the end of part one, part two will start being uploaded once I start march break (march 10th).

This note is made as a chapter because as far as I am aware you can not make notes on FanFiction.

Hope you all read part two! It will be titled Silver Emeralds.

If you have any question about this part please pm me, if you are only a guest find my twitter ( kiahthepie ) and shoot me a message and I will answer your question.


End file.
